I will never, I swear I will never in my life be used to walking with a cane. I’m twenty-eight years old, for God’s sake. I’m walking with a cane, I have these tremors, and I am talking like a record stuck in slow speed. A real turn-on to my husband, isn’t it. I’m more his patient than his lover.
YOUNG WIFE WITH MS
This disease of the lining of the nerves continues to be a mystery as to cause and cure (although some patients have responded to treatment with adrenocorticotropin). Of the 167 men with MS (again these were men that included patients not in the couples group) that I interviewed, 43 reported erective problems. Of the 133 women with MS that were interviewed, the most common sexual complaint (44) was alteration or decrease in clitoral sensitivity. Both men and women reported decreased interest in sex, but interest level varied greatly over time. This variance is probably due to the ever-changing course of this illness, with symptoms coming and going with litde or no warning. It is important for the MS patient to maintain intimacy, for the possibility of return of functions assumed lost always exists. One of my patients with MS stated, “I think MS stands for muddled symptoms. You never know what will happen. I’m MS because I’m much .mrprised most of the time.”
Some of the patients reported spasticity as a symptom and had stopped having sex because of this problem. Counseling focused not on drug treatment of this condition (which may exacerbate sexual problems), but on integrating the spasticity into the sexual relationship. “I learned that slow, gradual, easy, and tender is only one side of the sexual coin. Movement, rigidity, shaking, and other movements feel good, too. Once I learned that, my sexual anxiety went down. When that happened, my symptoms seemed to decrease.” This report from one of the husbands with MS illustrates the important interaction between feelings and symptoms in all disease, and emphasizes the importance of remembering that sexuality can help heal as much as be affected by disease. Sometimes couples can “use” symptoms and not merely try to overcome them.
“I am so tired most of the time,” reported one wife. “So we have learned to be still, to have slow-motion sex. It’s actually a turn-on. You should try it. We do everything at half speed, like a slow-motion film. When we stopped trying to do it like everyone else and do it like us, everything seemed to improve.”
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